Self assessment versus assessment by a trusted advisor

 It seems to us that when it comes to self assessment, human beings are either wildly negative about themselves or absurdly positive. We’ve written blogs in the past that address the notion of beating yourself up, and we certainly don’t want to go there. But it’s also important to not go too far in the other direction. It’s great to have an unconditional love for yourself, and to feel positive about how you are in the world, but it’s also very informative to have an honest assessment of yourself from a trusted advisor.

In fact, it’s a great idea to have a team of trusted advisors that you can go to on different topics. For instance, one of us has a Master’s degree in Economics, and gives financial advice to the one of us that, let's just say, has a few problems in this area. One of us has been a personal trainer for over 20 years, and is often asked to give a new training plan idea the once-over before putting it into action. Come to think of it, we have separate advisors for anything from travel, cars, construction, specific health situations, and relationships. 

Then, there is the final frontier of assessment from a trusted advisor: Do you have the courage to ask the person you are in an intimate relationship with for an assessment of how you are in that relationship? This category is a bit different, because you need to go into it, not only wanting an assessment of yourself, but with the desire to learn more about your partner's experience of you in the relationship. You not only need to brace yourself for digesting some large chunks of truth about yourself, but you need to trust the other person that their intentions are coming from a loving place, and are for the betterment of your partnership.

This is a great tool to expand your awareness of your behavior patterns in your relationship. We have found that it’s easy to take our partners for granted, and it’s easy to get in the groove of performing the same jobs and roles in a family. A partnership or a family can be cruising along like this, quite successfully, for a long time. But in asking your partner for this type of assessment, the possibility exists to take your relationship, and what you can offer each other to a new level.

You can also use this tool in business. How many times have we all been in work situations where we wish we could just clear the air about a few things we wished could be done differently? Maybe it’s just about communication, maybe it’s about a division of duties, maybe it’s concerns around money, maybe it’s about showing up on time. Having the courage to open up a conversation on these things, guided by a genuine interest to be of better service to the other person, will always be positive. It’s not about criticizing another person, but about stating your needs in the relationship. A great guide in this kind of communication is to always use “I feel…” statements, instead of “You…” statements. Then the other person can take, and hear what you’re saying, without feeling criticized. 

Life really is about your relationships with others, and this tool can serve as a blueprint for improving all relationships. So gather up your courage and ask, “How am I doing?”

Until next time

Scott and Lennart