Letting Others Find Their Way

When you see someone you care about struggling (or worse!) it’s a hard thing to watch–especially if they are struggling in an area in which you feel you have some expertise. The temptation to offer unsolicited advice can be excruciatingly difficult to suppress, and is often fueled by legitimate goodwill. However, offering unsolicited advice is violating a boundary that deserves respect. It robs someone of their sacred inner journey toward finding their own way through a reliance on their own intuition. 

Why is this so important? 

Our relationships with ourselves define all of our other relationships in life. To the precise extent we lack unconditional love and trust in ourselves, will we desperately seek this out in others–and it is a burden that no other person can bear. They will turn away from us–overwhelmed, irritated, or bored–and our inner doubts will be compounded by outer circumstance, leading us to perpetual misery. 

We are souls on a journey through life, learning as we go. It is not up to any one of us to interfere with another soul’s journey. Is it ok to give advice if it is asked for? Yes, but when asked, it may be better to pose the question, “How would you respond if you were asked for advice about this,” which supports the soul on their own journey without grabbing hold of the steering wheel. 

We are all on this journey to “trust our gut” about things in life. It may be all dressed up in religious fervor, or it may be as simple as a very real feeling in our stomach that we learn to trust. Regardless, it is a sacred phenomenon that needs to be nurtured. Any time we tell people what to do, we halt the progress of this essential process in another. 

After all, what’s the best-case scenario? That someone takes your advice, it turns out great, and you develop a kind of Jedi Master/Young Padawan relationship? That’s probably not what either one of you is looking for. You are both much better off supporting each other’s independence as humans who have a really wonderful, perhaps even supernatural, gift: The gift of intuition.

So, when you are burning on the inside to give advice to someone who is about to fall flat on their face–what are you suppose to do? Let them fall flat on their face? Yes! That is perhaps the greatest gift you can give to a loved one. Let them fall. But you can ask them if they have a plan for getting back up again. Support them in their own inner process of trusting that they already have the answers inside of them. Let them find their way. Support them in their own inner knowing that they can trust their gut. They are miraculous, intuitive beings on a sacred journey. 

Until next time

Scott & Lennart