Let's Talk About Death, Part 2
In Part 1 of “Let’s Talk About Death,” I talked about how I didn’t “see the light,” or any of the other comforting experiences that many feel when they are clinically dead and come back to life. (Link to blog below, if you want to read that one.) As a refresher, at about 11:30 am on September 24, 2019, my heart stopped. For a little over 40 minutes, I didn’t have a steady pulse, despite being shocked with the big defibrillators 13 times. I later learned, through a mutual friend, that the acute doctor that was working on me was certain he was sending away a dead man. And yet, here I am.
In my experience, the glow of surviving something like that dims after a while, despite how hard you try to hold on to it. Then what creeps in is a lot of fear. I realize now that while most people can push away thoughts of death, and get used to the idea of dying one day as they (hopefully) grow very old–I had to instantly face that at 53 years old. If there is any “reason” while I am still here–I believe that part of it is to normalize death for myself, my loved ones, and anyone else who will listen. I had kind of fallen into a self-deprecating rut of humor about my own brush with death–often telling people that “I even failed at having a near-death experience,” and felt “ripped off.” I have since come to believe that my lack of a “white light experience” was in itself a great gift. It has sent me on a very necessary journey to passionately explore spiritual ideas with an open mind. As we have written about in other blogs, “The obstacle had become the way.”
Normalizing Death
We tend to avoid the topic of death in the West, and I believe that is to our great detriment. In most social situations, “Let’s talk about death,” is not a great conversation starter. We seem trained by our culture to avoid the topic of death at all costs. It seems quite fashionable for Western intellectuals to glibly assert that there is no “life after death,” and that any thoughts to the contrary are pure fantasy. Great Eastern thinkers that have been contemplating death for much longer than we have, have very different thoughts on the subject. I mean, really–who the hell do I think I am, that I would have all the answers about death–and it just so happens that I have centered on the most depressing and fear-inducing outcomes. In the East, death is taught as a very natural part of life, and doesn’t have all the fears and anxieties attached to it, as it does in the West. After two years of pretty disruptive PTSD–I decided I wanted what they have.
Positive Brainwashing
We have written in other blog posts that we like to be always working through a spiritual book of some kind. We call it positive brainwashing. In the last six months, I have kind of taken this to a new level. Whenever I am going to the store, commuting, running, etc.—I’m listening to a spiritual audiobook. I believe that I was raised in a culture of negativity my whole life, and now I insist on turning the tide toward more positive thoughts. If you’re interested, this has been my audiobook positive brainwashing reading list (so far):
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu
Becoming Nobody by Ram Dass
Letting Go by David R. Hawkins
A Course in Miracles (Vol. 1 & 2) by Helen Schucman
A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
The Complete Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch
The Tibetan Book of the Dead by Robert Thurman
Peace Is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
In addition, I (by chance?) came across a hospice nurse on Instagram–whose stated goal is to normalize death (Hospice Nurse Julie link below). Every day she has a new thought from her experiences with the dying. I highly recommend following her. The effect that all of this new learning has had on me is profound. In the last three months, I haven’t had a panic attack about dying. And somewhere along the way, a common denominator of all these teachings have given bloom to a deep personal belief that our spirits continue after death. I noticed this change recently, when a colleague that I worked with in New York unexpectedly died, and I was sure that he was greeted “on the other side” by his dear friend who had died a few years earlier. I’ve also noticed it with my conversations with my kids about death. They have this kind of naturally positive take on death that it will be a great adventure. They don’t want to die right now, of course, but they’re not afraid of doing it some day. It has been so healing for me to share with them what my new beliefs are about death–and experience for myself that I really believe this, and that I’m not just making stuff up to make a child feel better. I love how Betty White referred to what happens at death as “the secret”—something that was passed on from her mother. It’s such a more positive way to think about death–that we will finally know the secret. So if I die (again) before you do, don’t shed a tear for me–I’m off on a great adventure–and I know the secret! I truly believe that we will meet again, in a different form that our little human minds can’t possibly comprehend.
–Scott
https://www.coachingandcoffeetalks.com/blog/lets-talk-about-death
https://www.instagram.com/hospicenursejulie/