In praise of the ordinary life
The first chapter of the honest coffee talk series
There are two lies or misconceptions that we often hear, which can be hard to talk about. Because if you bring any of these topics up at the next dinner party, there is a good chance that your friends will label you as an insensitive asshole and stop talking to you.
So, on that note… let’s get started.
The first lie is that you are special and that you can achieve whatever you want in life.
The second one is that you are special, and the world just needs to appreciate your inherent gift or talent.
“But Coffee Talkers!” you might say, “That’s a bleak and depressing way to assess life! Here we are, trying to relax to the soothing sound of Scott’s voice after a long day at work—and then you fill our heads with depressing shit like this?”
But worry not, our coffee drinking friends—all hope is not lost!—we’re not bitter depressed nihilistic coffee drinkers. We’re men on a mission of finding joy and purpose, and we want to help you guys to do the same.
But… back to the point!
Who are you?
This can sound quite philosophical, but it’s actually a numbers thing. Chances are that you’re an average human being. We are not pointing fingers, but statistically speaking—you’re probably quite average. So, is this a bad thing?
Not really, this is only a hurtful realization when it collides with an inflated ego, that has been fed stories about greatness and entitlement. There is a good chance that you won’t make it to the Olympics or become the next rock star, and this can be a hard fact to get your head around—kind of like acknowledging your own mortality.
This is not a bad thing at all, it’s only bad when it collides with what culture has been whispering in your ear for most of your life. Social media reinforces this illusion—making you more unsatisfied and even depressed about your ordinary life.
We feel the antidote to this is twofold:
Firstly, we must learn to appreciate our ordinary-ness, while becoming more at peace with how average we really are.
Secondly, we need to identify what we need to do to build a better and more meaningful life.
Appreciating our ordinary-ness
In order to appreciate how things are, we must spend some time in the moment. We are so often thinking about the next thing we have to do, or reviewing what we’ve done in the past—that we’re skipping right over the present moment. We have spent years banking on future prosperity that never arrives, or spent much energy on keeping the illusion alive that true happiness lies just around the bend. We have found meditation, breathing exercises, and cold water immersion to be great tools to get in touch with the moment. If you have tried any of these, then you have experienced the peace of mind that comes afterward. This is peace of mind that comes from experiencing that our ordinary lives are good—right in this moment. We have found that the more we practice being in the moment, the more this peace of mind transfers to other areas of our ordinary lives. We are actually cultivating an appreciation of who we are.
Another tool we’ve found useful is writing daily gratitude lists. You may have tried this before, but have you tried making it part of your daily routine? Taking the time to actually write down things you’re grateful for—just five things per day—seems to have a huge effect on our appreciation for our ordinary lives. If you have trouble sticking to it—try exchanging gratitude lists with a friend or loved one every day.
Just because we are appreciating our ordinary-ness a little more, doesn’t mean we give up trying to do our best—that’s where the second part comes in.
Building a better and more meaningful life
Practice and discipline are two topics people don’t subscribe to much anymore, and are two topics that we will continue to expound upon in later articles in this series. When we realize how average we are, practicing becomes the only way forward. This is true in every aspect of life: our trade, our role as a parent or a partner—and in our health and wellness.
Many of us could make more of an effort in our daily lives. We can go around in circles, taking things for granted, and feeling like the world owes us something. But perhaps we are missing the point—what if we make an effort where we are, and focus on doing our best with what is right in front of us? If we take the time to construct a plan for ourselves, our progress in all areas will improve.
We are big fans of writing things down. We both write down our morning routines, our intentions for our daily training, and our schedules for our work days. We have found it helpful to share our intentions with a friend or loved one, to help keep us accountable for following through with our plans. Over time you have a record of your daily practice—and this daily discipline is priceless. As the old saying goes: “Consistency over time yields results.”
So celebrate your ordinary-ness today, but don’t forget to make a plan for getting better.
Until next time,
Scott and Lennart